Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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