someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
