How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
