I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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