Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
