Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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