thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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