i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
