told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
