well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
