she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
