Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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