Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
