i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
