I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
