Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
