thus making me awesome and them whores
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
