All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
