ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize