I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
