Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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