would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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