Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If that was your dad, he is hot
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
