i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
