listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize