He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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