Whod you bang
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
