I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I party with great urgency now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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