There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
