Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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