We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
