I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Someone shattered a urinal.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
