cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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