The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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