i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
