turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize