I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
