Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
