i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
