sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
