I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
