Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
