dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
