I wish I could teleport
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
