Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I smell like Dick and happiness
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