what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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