I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
