i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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