I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
