this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
