great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
