so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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