I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
