my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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