So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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