Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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