How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
