She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
