Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
