I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
