So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
