i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
