So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
