I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
