i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
