you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
