Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
