Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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